Saturday, January 19, 2013

Cancun Letters #5

Saturday 2/24/07

Dear Marissa,

You may remember that I said if we didn’t hear from you, me and Leon was going to come down and see what was going on. Well, bigger than all hell we didn’t hear from you, but you already know that. And, if you’ve looked around, you know that me and Leon ain’t there. You see, a couple of things came up.

First, I asked Leon if he had a passport, and he said yes. Well, it turns out he thought I said do you have a Newport, and he has a whole carton of them. You know how bad his hearing is since he lit the cherry bomb in the pickup, then threw it forgetting the window was up.

It turns out the Department of Defense took Leon’s passport in the interest of national security. Well, I was going to come without him, but the airline said the miles I had amassed were mostly frequent bathroom miles not frequent flier miles.

The good news is, I can use the bathroom in any Delta Crown Room in any airport in the world as long as I can figure out how to get there. I have enough frequent flier miles to go from Jackson to Biloxi, and that’s what I’m go to do, because Garvin Tootle has a friend in Bay Minette, Alabama, who knows a Vietnamese shrimp boat captain who might take me to Cancun for the cost of fuel and $92. So in a couple of days or so, you can start looking for me.

Oh, I almost forgot, if you are lost, you are going to be found pretty soon. I called your hotel again this morning and talked to the same guy I talked to yesterday. He was in a better mood today, so I asked if he’d look for you. He asked why should he? You’re going to love this, Marissa – I told him you and Angelina Jolie grew up together and were best friends. And then I told him that she was with you, so when he found you he would find her too. Pretty smart, huh?

He said that he and all of his import-export friends would tear up the town to find Angelina. Well, got to go to the airport. You take care and I’ll see you soon.